i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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