Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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