you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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