Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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