we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
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...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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