your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
