I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
