she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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