Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize