Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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