i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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