i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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