i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
