maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
