it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
