I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
