I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it was like having sex with a tree stump
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
