I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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