I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You did what with his pubic hair?
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