White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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