I wish my penis had an off switch
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
