He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
