I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
