its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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