she was so not down for the gang bang
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
