you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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