I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
