Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
