The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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