why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
