I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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