At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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