someone get that fucking seahorse.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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