I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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