The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
