Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
