You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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