Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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