does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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