just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
