Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
