So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
