smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
