can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
