I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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