Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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