There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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