I wish I could teleport
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
