last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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