She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
