yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
