i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
