I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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