i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
