Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
