I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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