I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How does one acquire holy water?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
