bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He has the fingertips of a God
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