went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
