when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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