any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
