it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
