kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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