i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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