And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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