doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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