It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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