Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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