thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
