If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
