The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
