My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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