Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
