Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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