I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize