legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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