Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
