I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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