You don't have asthma, your pregnant
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize